Susie's Diary (4)
Fullfilment

So Brian is almost 4 months old now and seems to grow every time I turn around. He weighs 20 pounds and is 25 inches tall and is off the growth charts for his age. I know that once upon a time I had a life without him but I can't quite remember it. It's as though the memory of my old life happened to somebody else with my face. He is my constant companion and my greatest joy. I thought that the choked up feeling I got when I first saw him would fade, but it hasn't. It amazes me that every time I look at him I still feel tears of joy and love at the back of my eyes.

I've never known a baby before. I never babysat for infants and none of my friends had baby brothers or sisters. I'm constantly in awe of the things he learns to do. Smiling and laughing and rolling over and throwing toys. The delight in his eyes when he figures out something new is fascinating. Of course he does seem to figure out some pretty silly things to do. His current favorite is to wiggle around on the bed until he has his head under the blankets and then lie there and kick his feet. Don't ask me, I don't understand it either. But it makes him happy, so whatever. His favorite toy is a rag. This child has stuffed animals and teethers and rattles and handmade baby blankets and a zillion other things but his favorite is a plain white cloth diaper. I thought they were just spit rags but apparently they have great play and comfot value. I'm just afraid he'll want to take it to kindergarten with him.

Over all motherhood is nothing I could ever have imagined. The joy, the frustration, the fun... my world has changed and changed forever. More than that, I've changed, and I like who Brian has made me.

Susie's Diary
1- Demon Posession
2- I've Swallowed Bolivia
3- Baby Blues
4- Fullfilment
5- Becoming a Parent

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