Short Stories

Show-and-Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."

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Number 1 or 2
When my sister was about 2 or 3 years old, she was at the shops with my parents. And of course she had to go to the bathroom. So my father asked her if she had to do number 1 or number 2. He needed to know because there were no bathrooms around so he had to decide how far out to take her. And she said she had to do number 2. So he took her really far away from the shop. And she apparently only did number 1 and when she stood up really fast he asked "Oh why did you bring me out so far if you only had to do number 1?" And she replied by saying, "I didnt bring you, you brought me!"

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Chicken Pox
When my son Callum was 3 he had Chicken-pox. My neighbours son Sean attends the same nursery as Callum. I called my neighbour and asked her if her son could tell the nursery that Callum would not be there until he was clear of spots. As she was leaving to take Sean to the nursery Callum shouted to her "Do you have Sean-a-line lotion?" as I have Callum-line lotion (Calamine lotion). We were in hysterics as Callum did not know what he said was wrong.
Yvonne Nettleton, Scotland

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My four year old daughter often has "questions" for me. But, this
one really floored me. "Mommy, if God doesn't have a wife, how can he be a Father?" Try explaining that to a four year old.

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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically...

"Why does it have to be a secret?"

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When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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