Mom and Dad: A Change of Identity

One of the most fundamental problems that come up when a premature baby comes home is the change of identity the parents go through. In fact, when the baby has been separate for such a long time, his or her arrival generates a lot of illusions. For the mother, it can be the beginning of a stage in which she hardly has any time for herself, besides feeling constantly overcome by demands that go way above her. On occasions it is possible she will not even have a few hours to sleep. For dad on the other hand, it can be the beginning of the road in which he will discover the importance of his role in the family circle.

Since the expectations which you and your partner have prepared for in the second birth of your baby are different from those you went through during the pregnancy, it would be of great help that you dedicate the moments in which your baby sleeps to rest, but also to take care of each other and spoil each other a little.

As was previously said, there are a few indications of how the imaginary baby can limit the relationship with the real baby. In the same way, imagining that you need to act as the perfect parents with your baby will consume too much useless energy. Console, take care of, attend and protect your baby, but do the same to each other. You are not the prolongation of the intensive care unit. You are the parents of a baby, with your rights and wrongs. For example, take time to talk to each other, give each other massages, take a shower together, and have a candle light dinner, caress each other. Obviously you will not be able to do this every day, but do so once at least every three days. Reinforce your self-esteem and your relationship in order to help the new member in the family grow and develop emotionally and psychologically.

One very common thing that mothers do when their babies come home is become absolutely obsessed with keeping everything sterile as if they are nurses, not necessarily mothers. This means that the fear of not knowing how to care exactly for your baby can lead you to become obsessive in some aspects that can be easily resolved.

The fact that you have had to take accelerated courses about how to care for your baby during a few hours a day, does not mean that you should live the same way when the baby is with you, since you are now the parents twenty four hours a day.

Your job will not be the same it was when the baby was in the hospital. Besides feeding the baby, you will need to organize other activities, such as bathing the baby, calming him or her, giving medication, playing with him or her when awake and stimulating the baby through contact and communication.

If at some point you feel tired and depressed, be aware that this stage is not eternal: babies grow, the irritability and demands of your child will little by little go acquiring more tranquil ways of communication.

At the beginning the process of adaptation to the home may not be the easiest for the baby, or for your partner either. Because of this reason, it is very important you take care of your intimate moments. The three of you will need your space, quietness, without work, tiredness or nervousness.