The Attitude of Some Grandparents Towards a Premature Baby

Although the grandparents have been with you during the pregnancy, it is not uncommon that in these types of circumstances some tend to become distant in the relationship with their own kids.

On one occasion, the mother of a premature baby told us that both her mother and father in law as well as her mother had already told her that they were not going to go to see the baby at the hospital frequently, but that they would only go to see the child. The woman and her husband thought that it would be best not to face their parents and decided to swallow and keep that pain in as well. I told her that this was something that frequently happened, because the grandparents in a way are premature when it comes to this grandchild, despite the fact that they may have other grandkids already. In some way, grandparents tend to feel lost and do not know how to act and this is why it is advisable to explain to them how things work and find ways in which they can participate in the care of the baby. If they can’t bear the fact of going inside neonatal unit for example, well, asking them to make baby clothes for you is one way you can get the grandmothers involved in the care of the baby. In some countries the intensive care units they leave the mothers the molds so they can custom make bathrobes for their babies. With this what we are trying to say is that there are ways of getting the family in on the baby’s activities, you will just need to figure out the different ways you can do this and show some interest and have good predisposition.

After my daughter was born, my mother was right next to me after having traveled for almost ten hours on an airplane. I am almost sure that it was shocking for her to see the conditions I was in after the delivery, but the whole time she was very clam and serene. When I finally did get home, she was like a healing balm for my anguish, especially in the moments I could not be near my baby. Two days before Andrea came home my mother told me I had nothing to worry about, that she was going to take care of everything, and my response to her was, “Oh no you won’t, I need to take care of my baby, you can take care of me so that I am well enough to take care of her”. I obviously know that that was the last thing my mother was expecting to hear, but she understood my attitude and acted consequently.

If at any moment you feel like your parents are abandoning you or are exceeding in other things, you should talk to them. Make them understand the importance of the grandparent’s role, the complicity, the unconditional love, the patience and the minor amount of demand with which they treat their grandchildren. Tell your parents that as their kids, you also need of their support and experience to face the situation.